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Got Denial About Denial?

denial jamie hansen Aug 29, 2023

Got Denial about Denial? by Jamie Hansen

Most of us have likely entertained the wish that a problem or issue at home or work would go away if we just quietly avoided it long enough. It is true that avoidance can be a helpful
approach to dealing with conflict in the interest of gathering more information, allowing other parties to learn from an experience, or just giving the concern enough time to work itself out. This effective approach does come with a few important caveats. One, we may need to let other involved parties know why we’re not addressing the situation immediately, perhaps for one of the reasons above. And two, maintaining a mindset of avoiding for now, as opposed to avoiding forever is crucial in case the situation isn’t moving toward resolution. If we find ourselves in the avoiding forever lane with a particular issue, or if avoiding isn’t a proper response for the situation in the first place, that’s not effective conflict management, but...

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A Shift in Thinking: Focusing on Mental Fitness

A Shift in Thinking: Focusing on Mental Fitness, by Jamie Hansen

Spring is here, and May is upon us! I’ve believed for a long time that this month gives December a run for its money in terms of manic demands and hectic family schedules. Thankfully, the days are growing longer, the air warmer, and the grass and trees greener, while the entries on the calendar are experiencing their own kind of exponential growth.

You may be aware that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and bonus points if you’re also aware that it’s Global Employee Health and Fitness Month. These two topics are near and dear to my heart and their intersection has been on my mind of late. 

To delve a little deeper, Mental Health Awareness Month has been recognized for over 20 years by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA) to provide education and reduce stigmas around mental illness and to highlight the effectiveness of treatment and celebrate...

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Loving the Toughest to Lead

Loving the Toughest to Lead by Jamie Hansen

Effective leadership arguably involves a certain amount of love. Not of the romantic variety so much, but certainly the type that involves showing respect, affirmation, and positive regard for others. Like the love of a coach for her players or the dedication of a staff sergeant to his squad. As Joel Manby, author of Love Works so aptly stated, "Treating someone with love regardless of how you feel about that person is a very powerful principle. It can make us great spouses, great parents, and great friends. Great leaders too." 

To his point, the more we separate our temporary feelings for someone (the noun version of love) from our decision to treat them with value and respect (the verb version of love), the more effective we can be in any of our relationships and roles, leadership included. And to be fair, many of us have experienced a relationship or two that has required an extra dose of intentionality for us to lean into the...

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What If??

2022 jamie hansen what if Feb 20, 2022

What If?? by Jamie Hansen

One of the things I find most magical about movies is that every once in a while, one comes along with a concept that stretches our thinking and makes us ask, "What If?" Whether it's a drama, romance, comedy, or action film -- the genre doesn't really matter to me -- I find myself captivated with the ability of these movies to help us see things that we didn't notice before, or envision things that haven't yet come to be. From a psychological perspective, I'm a true believer in, "once you see something, you can't un-see it." As for horror movies, they may have us seeing things we don't ever want to see or experience, so let's count that category out for the sake of discussion. Rather, it's those movies that take us on a two- to three-hour journey and leave us asking questions we've never asked before, or envisioning things we've never seen before, that I find particularly compelling.

One movie that comes to mind (especially this month) with this captivating...

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Peace on Earth

Peace on Earth. As 2021 draws to a close, I think of these three words as so much more than a phrase scripted across a beautiful holiday card. With all that's going on in the world, it's a more thought-provoking phrase for many than it was even a few years ago. Peace is certainly something our world could use much more of, and maybe even our own corners of the world. Many people are saying 2021 presented surprisingly more challenges than 2020. Here at Alloy, requests for support on the topics of resilience, healthy management of conflict, leading through change, and understanding the mental health impacts of a crisis were at an all-time high, and it doesn't appear that will be abating soon. Here we offer three year-end exercises to glean everything you need from 2021 to look forward to a more peaceful 2022 -- at least in your corner of the world:

Make Peace with Your Past Year. I have long loved to use the photos on my phone at the end of the year to make calendars, notecards,...

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Finding the Sacred Amidst the Crazy

Happy Fall, Y'all! How has yours been so far? For that matter, how was your summer? When I look back on mine, and when I inquire of friends and colleagues about theirs, the word that routinely comes up is, "Crazy." Unpredictable. Protracted. Exhausting. Demanding. Confusing. Irrational. Tentative. Mad. Unbalanced. Erratic. Just a few synonyms for this frequently used word. As I heard one commentator say recently, "Wow, this two weeks of shut down sure has felt like an eternity." Tounge in cheek, of course, but can't we all relate?

So how do you stay positive, energized, find the good, and lead well when it feels like you don't know what's coming next? Or where it's coming from? John Maxwell has a great teaching on how to maximize a positive situation. A meeting with a mentor, an opportunity, a new venture, or any situation that you want to make the most of. And in his simple but profound style, he exhorts us to 1) Prepare thoroughly before the event, and 2) Reflect deeply afterward....

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Work-Life Balance: Mountaintop or Moving Target?

Work-Life Balance: Mountaintop or Moving Target? by Jamie Hansen

This post was originally part of our Finish Strong Challenge, which emphasized components of modern resilience to help participants finish the year on a high note and build positive momentum for 2021. Be sure to subscribe to our newsletter for the latest on future challenges and updates from Alloy!

When I think about work/life balance, I’m reminded of the message license plate of a friend of mine whose husband has had multiple cross-country relocations with his company:  It reads, “HERE4NOW”. I was taken aback when I first saw that because it felt a little bleak – too brief, too short term. But there’s wisdom in the brevity of its sentiment:  acknowledging the present moment and that it won’t last forever can lead to a sense of clarity in making the most of the time we have. I know we may not be in this place for long, but we’re going to have the best time while we...

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Leadership, Grief, and COVID-19

Leadership, Grief, and COVID-19, by Jamie Hansen, M.S., LPC

We are truly living in history. As the COVID-19 situation continues to unfold around the globe, circumstances are changing every day and the leaders among us have been called to sort out how we move forward through these unprecedented times.

After 20 years as a counselor (I still maintain my license), I cannot help but watch the local and global reactions to this crisis through the lens of a mental health professional. I spent years watching people deal with all sorts of situations in their personal and professional lives, and it occurred to me this week that I recognize what's happening on a local and global level. This is grief.

 Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first outlined her five stages of grief in 1969. More than fifty years later, the Kubler-Ross model is still playing out in front of our eyes. Let's take a look at how these stages of grief are presenting themselves through this...

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Healthy Tips for Tumultuous Times

Healthy Tips for Tumultuous Times, by Jamie Hansen

“Mama said there’d be days like this,” sang The Shirelles in 1961. While no one could possibly have predicted the mass emergency declarations, corporate policy changes, and major event cancellations that we’ve seen nationwide this week, those words do ring true. Times of major change and uncertainty do, and will, continue to come upon us. While the breadth and depth of all of these changes at once may have us in unchartered waters, dealing with change itself is not new territory. In fact, there are learnings we can apply from the seas of change we’ve sailed before. Here are a few strategies to keep your physical and mental health boat afloat as we head into some choppy and sometimes scary - though not completely unchartered - seas.

1. When you can't do something about the situation, do something with it.

Let’s face it – there’s a significant feeling of loss of control in this...

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Leadership Toolbox: Communication Part 3

Communicating Like a Leader (Part III), by Jamie Hansen

This is the third and final piece in a series from Jamie Hansen, focused on how a new leader must develop his or her communication skills in order to maximize their impact. You can find the first installment here, the second installment here, and receive the rest of the series in your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.

Welcome back to the Leadership Toolbox! This series focuses on skills that leaders should develop in order to maximize their effectiveness. Whether you are a new or experienced leader, these skills will increase your influence as you connect with the people around you. We have highlighted four critical skills already, and we have two more to complete this list:

5. Connecting with Curiosity

Great communicators have learned, often the hard way, how assumptions can throw a conversation into a downward spiral. Our desire for efficient conversation, combined with past experience with...

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