Your Most Powerful Leadership Tool (Is Already on Your Calendar)
It’s that time again. Another week means another meeting. A chime sounds and a calendar reminder appears on your desktop to herald the arrival of this corporate ritual, the familiar thought creeps into your mind: “Here we go, it’s time for my one-on-one.”
“Wait,” you think, “what are we going to talk about?” As the meeting draws closer, you think back on the week that was. “What did we even talk about last time? Was I supposed to prepare something?” With a few minutes to spare, you pull a pen and a notepad from a stack on your desk and scribble a couple of quick thoughts. “I’ll think of something,” you reassure yourself as you gather yourself to head for the familiar conference room (or, just as likely, start to click around to find the virtual meeting link). “Maybe we’ll even end early.”
An Epidemic of Bad 1:1s
When was the last time you had an incredible one-on-one meeting? Not just an average meeting; a truly excellent experience - for both parties - that added to the relationship and moved the needle on important agenda items.
Last week? Last month? Last year? Can you remember such a meeting?
Let’s fix that.
Early in my career, I had a recurring 1:1 with a senior leader who managed our entire sales team. He was actually two levels above me - my boss’ boss - and he felt it was important to keep in touch with every member of our small team. As the new guy, I wasn’t about to let these meetings go to waste. Each time we met, I ardently crafted a list of discussion questions to pick his brain on how I could learn more about the industry or hone my skills as I learned the ropes as a young salesman.
My diligent approach was not exactly reciprocated. More often than not, I would wait in a conference room, looking back and forth between my prepared notes and the clock, waiting for him to arrive while also wondering when I should send the “Sorry we couldn’t connect this week…” email and look for another time to meet. Imagine my surprise when, on one occasion, this executive arrived and asked me to join him for a ‘walk and talk,’ which was an excuse to move his car before it was ticketed.
Time (mis)management aside, I reflect on those experiences and think about the lessons I would pass on to managers and employees alike.
Done well, a 1:1 isn't just another meeting. It's your most powerful leadership tool. It's where trust is built, where obstacles are uncovered, where coaching happens, and where connections are made. It's where people and performance meet.
Not Just Another Meeting
Too many managers (and, tragically, employees) make the mistake of treating 1:1s like any other meeting on the calendar. They show up, sometimes prepared, sometimes not, exchange a couple of pleasantries, then read through the same list of updates they have been talking about for months. At the end, the manager will often say, “If you need anything, feel free to reach out.”
Give or take a couple of questions, it’s the same meeting every time.
In 2026, 78% of workers say that meeting overload is keeping them from getting their work done. In a world of too many meetings, why waste time with boring meetings that don’t accomplish anything?
A great 1:1 should do two things:
- Get stuff done
- Show you care
Here’s how to do it.
Step 1: Schedule the 1:1s, and Honor the Appointment
Most leaders know they should be meeting with their reports. In fact, the meetings are scheduled. It's the execution that gets tricky. With so many fast-paced projects, who has time to stop for a discussion?
As Seinfeld said, "You know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation." The meetings are scheduled, but they don't always take place.
And I get it - we're all busy, and there's work to be done! Over time, though, this approach creates distance, and that distance leaves room for all sorts of nasty issues: lack of alignment, misunderstandings, disengagement, and more. More than that, it feeds a perception that the work is more important than the person behind it. In the worst cases, it sends a clear and destructive message: My time is more important than yours.
While we can't always control the circumstances that hijack our calendars, we can control how we respond. Whenever possible, I encourage leaders to reschedule 1:1s instead of canceling - and preferably in advance. Failing that, you'd be amazed how far a quick note will buy goodwill compared to a no-show: "I'm sorry, but this meeting is running long and I won't be available for our 1:1. I'll grab time for us later this week."
Step 2: Put Connection on the Agenda
In my experience, the root of terrible 1:1s can be traced to a single misconception - the belief that a 1:1 exists to monitor work instead of understanding the person behind it. This is the foundational mistake that flips these meetings from meaningful conversations to routine updates.
This does not mean that there shouldn't be an agenda. Instead, make a point to include real human connection on the meeting agenda. It could look something like:
- Check-In: Touch base on personal news and assess engagement
- Key Updates: Discuss only the most important or noteworthy projects that need attention
- Administrative Items: Communicate any organizational news or upcoming changes to be aware of
- Next Steps: State action items as a result of the meeting
I like to put the personal check-in first on the agenda so that it does not get missed. Consider how an especially introverted employee would feel if there wasn't time to share exciting news from their personal life. The topics of interest will vary from person to person - when I had a manager who shared my love for college football, I held this space to discuss the results of the weekend's games (this turned out to be a depressing exercise as my beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers went 3-9 that season).
Pro Tip: Most managers find that they can carve out time for these personal conversations by reducing the amount of time spent on routine updates. Rather than reviewing every case or project or pipeline opportunity in the meeting, share those updates in an email or chat message and spend the meeting discussing only the items that require attention.
Step 3: Document the Conversation
This is the habit that most managers avoid. "But Ryan," you're thinking, "if I start documenting my 1:1s, my employee will think I'm getting ready to fire them!"
Here's the thing: you're right! If, out of the blue, you begin documenting every conversation you have with an employee, they are bound to freak out and think they are on the chopping block. And they're right - if you are preparing to terminate an employee, a good HR partner will ask you to do exactly that.
So, instead of adding an awkward step in the middle of a performance management conversation, make documentation a habit. You can use a shared file, to which you and your employee may add agenda items and jot down the commitments each party has made between meetings. A number of my coaching clients have shared that this practice supercharged their reports' productivity, as it cut down on time spent wondering "What did we talk about last time?" and created a reference point for the most important takeaways from every meeting.
Great 1:1s Drive Engagement, and Engagement Drives Performance
It's easy to think that 1:1 meetings exist to exchange information. The best leaders know they're also where culture is built.
Every 1:1 is an opportunity to reinforce trust, demonstrate care, provide coaching, and align around what matters most. Those investments may not show up immediately on a dashboard, but they influence nearly every metric that does.
When you focus exclusively on getting stuff done, you might complete another task. When you invest in the person doing the work, though, you create the conditions for sustained performance.
That's why the best 1:1s are not just productive, they are personal.
And that's exactly where people and performance come together.
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